Necessity is the mother of invention, it seems, for a team of horny University of London scientists developing an iPhone app that detects whether you have an STD or not. (I don’t mean you specifically, dear reader, but you might want to read on just in case. No judging here.)
T3.com reports that the app will “require users to urinate on their pride and joy like a pregnancy test and plug it in to get the dreaded verdict on whether last week’s sexual faux-pas gave you a gift that keeps on giving.” The app will apparently use nanotechnology and software to analyze the sample. If it come up “positive” and it hurts when you pee while you’re peeing on your iPhone, you then can book an appointment with your doctor right away using the app, and pick up a ready-prepared prescription once everyone stops snickering.
But the British gadget magazine got it a bit wrong. You don’t actually pee on the phone itself. The app (which is by far not finished yet) will have users put either urine or saliva on a computer chip, about the size of a USB chip. You then plug the chip into the phone which tests for chlamydia, gonorrhea, and other undisclosed infections (whatever that means) and delivers a diagnosis in minutes. (Yeah, still gross.)
So please, for the sake of all that’s good and holy, don’t pee on your iPhone. Given the fact that there seems to be a saliva option too, you don’t need to spit on it either. And maybe use a condom next time, mmmkay?
Oh, and you might want to think twice the next time you borrow someone’s phone to make a call. Especially if it smells like asparagus.