Jennifer Love Hewitt Has Written A Book

Jennifer Love Hewitt has been in the entertainment industry for nearly twenty years, which I guess makes her qualified to write a self-help book about relationships. It’s called: The Day I Shot Cupid: Hello, My Name Is Jennifer Love Hewitt and I’m a Love-aholic.

Hewitt offers her “hard-won wisdom and tells us how to embrace love with both feet on the ground. First, we have to shoot Cupid. We have to believe that happily-ever-after is hard work – it’s not all flowers and symphonies and floating hearts.” She also talks about how to pick the right guy and how to know when to let the wrong ones go free, and she offers some surprising truths about the opposite sex. (Like how guys think books like these are stupid.)

Apparently some women think so too. Linda Holmes wrote recently in her Monkey See Blog for NPR “Ten Things I Read In Jennifer Love Hewitt’s Book That Are Not Hallucinations” about “ten completely awesome things that happen in this book.” Here are the first few:

1. On page two of the introduction, the word “TRUTH” (in all caps, thusly) is followed by 23 exclamation points. On page three of the introduction, the word “love” is followed by five question marks. Two sentences later, the word “CUPID” is followed by two exclamation points. Three pages into the book — pages of the introduction, which comes after the preface — you’re already basically reading the late stages of an Internet message-board meltdown.

2. On her own press: “I cannot even tell you how many times I’ve been reading an article, happy with what they have written, focusing on all the right things, and then, like the clap, it appears: serial dater.” It seems to me that there is a very unfortunate and obviously unintentional parallel being drawn here between what causes one thing to “appear” and what causes another thing to “appear.”

3. “Guys hate to spoon — they prefer to fork, lol!”

4. “This is embarrassing and personal, but once a month, since I was twelve years old, I go to my favorite jewelry store and try on my dream ring.” She is 31 years old. If this is true, she has made roughly 225 trips to the jewelry store to try on engagement rings. I do not know where to go with this.

5. From the list of 20 Things To Do After A Breakup: “Make out with a stranger (he must be gorgeous or you’ll feel worse).”

6. From the list of 10 Things To Do Before A Date: “Spray tan is a must.”

You should check out the rest of the list from her blog. It’s a good read. Unlike, I fear, the actual book itself.

About Thomas Kelleher

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