You might be if you happen to be a Crock wearing, fanny packing, Dutch going, girlie drinker with one too many cats, according to the new book UNDATEABLE: 311 Things Guys Do To That Guarantee They Won’t Be Dating or Having Sex, by Ellen Rakieten and Anne Coyle.

It’s a funny book and a rather good read, and surprisingly could be helpful to some men who just don’t know any better than to dress head to toe in Ed Hardy, rock high-wasted dad jeans with novelty belt buckles,  “mandannas” and tube socks. Yes, it is at some people’s expense, and can come across at times as perhaps a little caustic, but at least it’s not too mean spirited and does offer some good advice. It’s also not all about the wardrobe either and addresses some less than acceptable behaviorial issues that more often than not can be real deal breakers for a lot of women. And there is a need/want/desire for this sort of guidance – look at the not so long ago popularity of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.

At least it’s not all about “catching” men or “tricking” them into becoming the perfect boyfriend or husband, which is quite refreshing.  My only question: when does a version for men about women come out?

The answer is “probably never.” To the authors’ point: “Men traditionally will overlook many, many undateables if there’s sex at the end of the night in front of them. It’s not a question of ‘undateable’ but ‘unmateable.'” Men are willing to tolerate a lot more if there is sex involved. The real question there is not whether you want to go home with the girl, but do you want her to be the mother of your children? For women, it’s much more of a mountain to climb.”

The book is available now at Amazon. You can read a recent Los Angeles Times review here and then judge for yourself.

About Thomas Kelleher

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