Happy Mother’s Day!

What are you into/in for?

Got some time on your hands? (Like 18-20 years?) Looking to find a new cell mate/soul mate? Well then you should definitely check out www.Meet-An-Inmate.com. You just might find a great catch there, especially since they’ve already been caught.

Do you know that there are thousands of male and female inmates sitting in prison, just waiting for someone to write and share life experiences?

Well… kinda, yeah.

These inmates have nothing but time on their hands and can’t wait to hear from you! Even though these men and women are in prison, it doesn’t mean that they are bad individuals. The majority of these inmates are fun, loving, clever, reliable, sexy and very passionate. It can be a lot of fun communicating with these inmates. They enjoy sports, music, arts, etc. just as you do. However, they are convicted felons and caution should be used.

That just sounds dreamy. Want to know how it works? Simply pick an inmate(s), men and/or women (many of the female inmates are open to both sexes), from various age groups, check out their profiles and photos and then you write them a letter. And they may or may not write you back once they have your photo and home address. Pretty hi-tech for an online dating site huh? (Apparently inmates do not have access to a computer or the Internet, or freedom for that matter.)

So it’s not really an online dating site, and I have to say that the design and user interface is terrible. Whoever designed it should be locked up. But damn, it does make for some pretty interesting reading:

“I guess at this point I could say, “I’d love a long walk on a beach”. Although I can’t do it now, I’m seriously looking forward to it.”  –Jeannie, 40

“I have been incarcerated since I was 17, serving a 25-life sentence for allegedly committing murder.” –Charles, 22

“Since being in prison, I now enjoy long naps in the afternoons and drawing all night.” –Roy, 35

“I’m spontaneous and fun, a risk taker!” –Katye, 31

“Hello, my name is Lucky.” –David, 27

“I hope I have piqued your interest as I do look forward to hearing from you and exploring every aspect of our new acquaintance. Have a nice day. No prisoners/inmates please.” –Precious, 21

Perhaps some of the best reading on the site comes from its disclaimer on the bottom of their home page, highlighted in case you might miss it:

The FAQs are pretty good too. For example, there’s  a question about whether you should be worried about scams when writing inmates:

Caution must always be used when dealing with inmates. Here are some of the problems we have encountered:

· FAKE PICTURES.

· OLD PICTURES. It is common that they cannot send us a recent photo. We do not remove them from the site for this reason if the photo is of them.

· UNDERSTATING THEIR AGE.

· SHORTENING HIS/HER RELEASE DATE. This can be very complicated because they may be stating the expected release date after earning gain time or they may be stating an optimistic parole date. If a lady says she gets out in two years and she is in for life we obviously will remove them, but it is not always that simple.

· LYING TO GET MONEY. They sometimes outright lie to get money sent to them. The best advice is not to send money or only very small amounts for stamps, stationary, or small luxuries such as shampoo, deodorant, shoes, etc.

Other than the Shortening of the Release Date thing it doesn’t sound all that different from Craigslist. Bottom line (no pun intended) — does the site recommend looking for a relationship through its service? No, I do not as the odds of everything working out are slim…These men and women are inmates and are usually in prison for good reason. This is meet-an-inmate.com, not meet-a-girl-scout.com!

Please God don’t let there be a meet-a-girl-scout.com.

One of those days

This has been one of those days where despite my best attempts to make some progress on my next book, has instead been consumed more than I thought by another project I’m working on as an advertising consultant — creating a mobile version of a client’s website for smart phones. Which tends to happen, especially when that project seems to be going a bit pear-shaped and you need to start wrangling some cats, so to speak. But that’s part of the game and it will get resolved. Oh well. TGIF. There’s always tomorrow. Or the next day. Or the day after that…

Something

I promised myself I’d try to write at least something every day for a month to get the creative juices flowing as I start working in earnest on the next book. Done!

New Book Review From Kat Richter

Kat Richter is a freelance writer and columnist and was kind enough to take time out of her busy schedule to write this review for my online dating book Free Love – True Stories of Love and Lust on the Internet. Kat is also the author of her blog Fieldwork in Stilettos and has become quite the online dating expert, exploring every aspect from the “guided communication process” over at eHarmony to the perils of bottom-feeding at Plenty of Fish (and no, that’s not a euphemism for kinky sex, it’s simply confirmation of the fact that you get what you pay for). Her blog chronicles her “Great Date Experiment” and features book reviews like this one, which proves you can’t always judge a book by its cover.

And We’re Back, with Free Love

March 26, 2012

There aren’t too many things I miss about being single (wondering if he’s going to call, then waiting for him to call, then realizing he’s a lunatic and hoping he’ll never call again) but there is one thing: the personal ads.  As a writer, and as a former student of anthropology, I found them endlessly fascinating, which is why, when an author named Thomas Kelleher asked me to review his book, Free Love: True Stories of Love and Lust on the Internet, I said yes without a moment’s hesitation.

Once I saw the cover, however, I began to have my doubts.  It depicts a single, winking emoticon on a tie-dye background: more Girl Scout camp than quality literature.

But don’t let the cover fool you: the contents are a far cry from the make-your-own-t-shirt station.  In fact, they’re bizarre, and tragic, and hysterical, and frankly rather unbelievable.  This a work of non-fiction, however, and having trolled the waters of Match.com, eHarmony and Plenty for the better part of the past year and half, I willing to believe it’s all true (at least in the minds of those Kelleher interviewed…).

The book is divided into six sections: men seeking women, women seeking women, men seeking men, missed connections, women seeking men and casual encounters.  (Truly something for everyone…)  Each chapter begins with a personal ad, ranging from “I need a huge favor” to “Are you my silver fox?” and concludes with a brief narrative of what happened after the ad was placed.

The only downside is that the narratives are written by the folks who placed the ads in the first place, and not by Kelleher, so some are better written than others.  But Kelleher explains, rather humorously, why people turn to online dating in the first place.

Dating takes a lot of time, money and hard work if you rely on old school ways of meeting people.  You have to actually go out, make yourself look presentable and agonize over that perfect outfit, without looking like you’re trying too hard.  You have to work up your conversation starters/ice breakers/witty jokes/pick up lines that never work.  Line up your “emergency call” from the best friend for a quick escape should arise.  Remember to set the Tivo.  Fight for cabs.  Shell out a week’s income for overpriced watered down cocktails.  And, of course, risk rejection and wind up going home alone anyway.

Hence the internet.

But the internet can be a scary place, as indicated by the following ad:

I want to get a good alcohol buzz on with a hysterically funny, endearingly rude, audaciously vulgar woman in a bar.  Or maybe something else with said type of woman.  The cuter and brainier, the better.  Or, you can just ignore this ad like all the rest I’ve posted.

Hmmm.  Blatant sarcasm is never a good thing—especially blatant angry, misogynistic sarcasm.  I learned this the hard way so I can’t say I’m all that surprised by the writer’s rather sorry recapitulation of his dating efforts:

It’s no wonder that women are said to be the biggest environmental threat on the planet.  I am inclined to agree.  From a young age they are instructed that their role in life is to consume.  The consumption patterns of Americans, and particularly white women, are wrecking the planet and causing the greater part of humanity to live in poverty.  They simply do not understand this.  So I only date [by going] Dutch, no matter how cute she is.

Admittedly, there is some truth to that statement (although I’d argue that plenty of men are just as bad) but I’m guessing he’s still single.  Fortunately, the majority of the stories in Free Love were a bit more… well, loving.  And those that weren’t read like an awful car wreck: you don’t want to look but at the same time, you can’t look away.

I have a sneaking suspicion that those of you who’ve been enjoying my blog less since the conclusion of My Great Date experiment would enjoy Kelleher’s book and to that end, I’m going to send a free copy to the first person two people who comment on the wall of my Facebook page to request one.  (Click here to get started, and be sure to hit “Like” in order to post.)

In the meantime, happy Monday folks!  And check out my latest reviews for the Philadelphia Dance Journal here.

Link to the Review: http://fieldworkinstilettos.com/2012/03/26/and-were-back-with-free-love/

For additional book reviews on Amazon.com: http://www.amazon.com/FREE-LOVE-True-Stories-Internet/product-reviews/0984432914/ref=dp_top_cm_cr_acr_txt?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=1

You’ve Got Nerve

You might recall back in November I blogged about Nerve’s new “coming soon” online dating site: Nerve Dating — The first dating site for humans. Here’s the original NERVE is launching a new dating site for hipsters post in case you missed it. It was pretty rad.

Well it looks like they’re out of Beta stage and fully operational at www.dating.nerve.com. And it still looks cool and very compelling. I can’t really check out the site because my wife will get mad, but here’s what they say on their About Us page:

What is Nerve Dating?

Rather than the gimmicks, love formulas, and pseudoscience that you find elsewhere, Nerve aims to put conversations and interesting people like you back in the spotlight.

On Nerve Dating, you meet and connect with other people via their sensibilities and sense of humor, rather than surrendering to a site’s software. Think fewer awkward “About Me” essays, and more conversations about what you did last night and what you thought of latest buzzed about restuarants.

How does Nerve Dating stack up against everything else out there?

Dating online shouldn’t feel like you’re applying for a job, booking a flight, or trying to auction yourself off on eBay. Nerve Dating isn’t going to feed you into an algorithm, because in our opinion, algorithms don’t lead to love. We just want to help you talk about interesting things with interesting people. The rest is up to you.

On Nerve, you don’t surrender your love life to software — rather, you start conversations with people who like and say interesting things. On Nerve, you won’t have to awkwardly try to describe yourself, and then wait for someone to fall in love with your ‘About Me’ paragraph.

Other dating sites focus on marketing gimmicks and making false promises about their ability to magically solve the dating and relationship equation. We think they’re missing the point.

Other than the fact that they can’t spell “restaurants” it’s still one of the most interesting dating sites out there. I’d love to hear if any of you have tried it out yet, what your experiences have been with the site, how many hipsters you’ve started conversations with naturally, and whether it lives up to the hype.

Does Online Dating With Paid Sites Really Work?

Or is it really just a cash cow?

It’s no secret that the online dating industry is booming, doubling since 2007 with over 40 million people either visiting or using dating sites. That equates to $1.9 billion in annual revenue, according to Match.com. The big winners are eHarmony (with over $100 million annual revenue last year), Chemistry.com ($105 million) and Match.com ($105 million). That’s no chump change. But are people getting their money’s worth when using these dating sites?

Sam Laird reported the latest trends for Mashable.com the other day that 17% of married couples say they met online, compared to 27% who say they met through a mutual friend and 38% who say they met at work or school.

People who meet on dating sites tend to be quicker to marry than those who meet in the real world — dating for an average of 18 months before tying the knot, compared to 42 months for those who meet offline. (Which begs the question: What’s the rush? Are they also buying shotguns online while browsing profiles?)

It seems that a lot of online daters’ pants are still on fire too – 81% of people online lie about their height, weight or age on dating profiles. Women typically trim about 8 pounds from their weight and use profile photos taken 1.5 years earlier, while men typically add half an inch to their height and use photos that are six months old on average.

Ultimately, dating site algorithms and formulas claim to predict compatibility, but may actually: 1) focus on short-term satisfaction rather than long-term; 2) fail to take into account how partners grow, change and mature; 3) set the expectation that a relationship should be “perfect” from day one; 4) fail to account for changes in health, circumstances, etc.

But there are also the benefits. You can get to know people from the comfort of your own home without the need of pants or makeup; weed out those obviously incompatible; avoid first-date jitters since you’ve already met online; expand your dating pool; and show interest without face-to-face rejection.

There’s a great infographic included in Sam’s article that illustrates all of this and more on the online dating landscape extremely well. You should check it out. Are you currently using an online dating site? Do you feel you’re getting your money’s worth? I’d love to hear about your experiences.